Snape Teaches History
by fuelforthefunnyfarm
Summary: Snape tells the Gryffindor OWL class about the first Wizarding War against Voldemort. They are confuzzled. Not Humor, but there are humorous parts. Read the Background as this is part of a larger story I have in my head but probably will not type and publish. As always, I really do own the characters. See profile for more information on the homeschooled, American JKR. Reviews nice


**Background: I've had this written for a while. It's been sitting on my laptop almost since Christmas, but I've had the idea longer than that. Note that the initial explanation is rather important and may be expanded upon later. For that reason, I include few specifics or names.**

Snape's parents died when he was in Fourth Year. He was adopted by a light wizarding family, the mother of which came from a Slytherin family herself. She treated him like her own son and defended him. He left the dark. They killed his adopted mother and made it look like a muggle mugging gone wrong. His adopted father disowned him- he'd never liked Snape in the first place and was convinced he had something to do with his beloved wife's death. Snape rejoined the Dark in order to revenge himself both upon his adopted father and upon the muggles. Then he heard the upperclassmen boasting to each other about how easy it had been to 'fool that stupid little halfblood' into rejoining them. Snape was already too far in to leave- he hadn't taken the mark, but he was scheduled to meet with the Dark Lord soon and he had no other means of supporting himself than by Lucius Malfoy's patronage. Besides, he was angry. So he made the decision to spy on them. Many events did happen as in the books- though Snape got over Lily. She remained friends with him and he had his adopted mother to support him- but it took him a very long time to forgive her for dating his worst enemy. Snape did hand over the prophecy, thinking it a really stupid bit of idiocy and not specific enough to point at anyone- after all, Lucius Malfoy had defied the Dark Lord on occasion. Everything is the same from Harry's point of view up until Fifth year, when Snape was discovered as a spy. Luckily for him, he had a portkey and a Malfoy.

* * *

There was a buildup in front of the History of Magic classroom that Harry generally associated with Divination. It seemed unlikely that Binns had canceled class, though, and the door was open so he, Ron, and Hermione pushed their way to the front of the queue to peer in through the door. The reason for the cluster of milling Gryffindors was now obvious. Professor Binns appeared to have disappeared. Snape sat at the front of the classroom, in the chair behind the teacher's desk, sneering out at them all. Harry involuntarily flinched and ducked back out into the hall, away from the poisonous glare and Ron followed suit.

Hermione, however, did not. "Sir? Is class canceled?"

"No, it is not. However, as it is now a full five minutes past one and there is not a single student in this classroom, I believe- two points each should be sufficient?" That set off the floodgates and soon every Gryffindor was in a seat, as far from the front of the classroom as physically possible without sitting three to a desk or standing against the wall. Except Hermione, who headed straight for the front row. Harry and Ron glanced at each other, then joined her in a show of support. Snape's lip curled as he closed the door with a flick of his wand. Behind Harry, Neville gulped.

"Due to the curriculum concerning the past fifty years, most notably, its lack of existence and the fact that the upcoming O.W.L.s will contain questions concerning that period, the Headmaster has decided that Uracill the Unpleasant and the goblin revolution of 1464 will not be covered in this year's class. Instead, we will be covering the" His lip curled in distaste as he glanced at the textbook in his hands "'You-Know-Who' War. He has also decreed that as the one most involved in those wars, exception of himself, I will have the dubious pleasure of guiding you through it." He threw the textbook onto the desk with a loud _**thump**_. Several people jumped. "We will not, however, be using this piece of ministry approved rubbish. You may study tripe in your own free time; unlike certain others, I will not teach it in class." Harry saw Hermione smirking at this poorly concealed dig at Umbridge. He hadn't known Snape hated Umbridge so much.

"Yes, Mr. Finnegan?" Seamus had his hand in the air. Dean was staring at him like he had gone mad. Snape looked equally surprised. Gryffindors did not ask questions in his class. Not that he'd ever ordered it, but it was a well-respected unwritten rule.

"You were a part of the war, Sir?" The expression on his face was confused astonishment. The reason for that was rather obvious: if Snape had fought in the war and was talking about it, it had to have been on the side of the winners. But Snape hardly seemed the type to fight for the winning side, in this case.

The man in question bared his teeth malevolently and pulled back the sleeve of his robe, baring his forearm. "I was a Death Eater, Mr. Finnegan."

Neville was the first to react, jumping to his feet with a bloodcurdling yell of fear and rage. He was flat on his back, wrapped in ropes from armpit to ankles before he could manage a step. Lavender screamed, Seamus shoved his chair backwards several feet and drew his wand. Harry and Ron both went slightly pale, grabbing their wands, but not drawing them. They had known this, after all. But what was Snape playing at? Beside them, Hermione was looking slightly unsettled. Dean just looked confused.

"For those of you who do not know," Snape's eyes landed on Dean and Parvarti, both of whom looked slightly confused, "Death Eaters served the Dark Lord during his reign of terror. The most trusted of those servants bore the Dark Mark, a brand that allows them to both contact and be summoned by the Dark Lord. It burns when he summons and can be targeted individually. As you may be able to see-" He lifted his arm to display the Mark more clearly; the area around it was reddened and irritated-looking. "-it hurts rather badly when one refuses to answer the call and burns like holding a branding iron to your skin. Incidentally, that is how it is applied. Henchmen hold you down, one of the Lestranges approaches with the hot iron, and you scream bloody murder. Or not, as the case may be." His smirk said that he had not screamed.

"After that, the follower is legilimized- that is, his memories and emotions are forcibly scanned, for the slightest hint of rebellion or discontent. If it is found," He smirked even more horribly "the recruit is then tortured until incoherent and then either outright killed, or fed to a very large snake. If the recruit is found loyal, he is welcomed with open arms, given a job, and told he is serving his community. Then they go off for a celebratory round of muggle-baiting. Needless to say, I was found loyal." His smirk faded. "Then we were sent to go kill a family of muggles- an old man, a mother, and two young children."

The Gryffindors were staring at him in openmouthed horror. Snape's lips curled up at the corners again. "I returned to the side of the Dark Lord that night, with the blood of both children not yet dry on my hands, allowed him to scan me again as did the other two recruits- not that we had a lot of choice in the matter- and went to a night of feasting and drink." He gazed around at the shocked expressions, looking more smug than Harry had ever seen him before continuing: "I returned to my home at four in the morning, penned a report of the night's activities, and sent it by owl to Headmaster Dumbledore."

His smirk disappeared entirely. "I let down my occlumency shields and spent the next twelve hours first puking, then dry-heaving, over the toilet. When the Dark Lord called again that next night, I apparated back to him and kissed his robe hem. Then I joined Bellatrix in torturing a helpless ministry official who had been working to pass a law against muggle-baiting." He looked contemplative for a second. "I do believe I lost two and a half stone that first year. Just couldn't keep food down for longer than about ten minutes at a time. Ever try eating rare meat and thinking about how someone's leg looked after you flayed him open?

"The Dark Lord crucio-ed me the first time after I failed to produce thirty gallons of nerve-healing potion within a week. It was an- Unpleasant Experience. The Cruciatus can be performed hard enough that the muscle spasms break bones." His expression was far away, disconnected to the classroom. Hermione coughed softly and he seemed to return to earth.

"The moral of this story, of course, is 'Do not join raving madmen unless you are either certifiably insane yourself, or are a masochist. Side-effects include: insomnia, post-traumatic embitterment disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, flashbacks, random twitches in the areas that have been hit by the cruciatus most often, eating disorders of all kinds, heroin addiction, and tendency to curl up in a ball and refuse to move for days at a time. I believe Professor McGonagall was the one to discover that throwing a bucket of cold water over my head was the fastest solution to that last problem, because waiting for me to snap out of it did not work. I was nineteen when I took the Mark. I was twenty when I officially joined the resistance. And I was twenty-one when the war ended." He shook his head rapidly, as though to clear it.

"It was the worst wizarding war experienced by any individual nation since the Korean War of 1892. Six percent of the world's population of purebloods, which is concentrated in England, died. One percent of the world's population of muggleborns. One quarter of a percent of the world's population of halfbloods. That is fourteen percent of the wizarding population of England. Sixteen percent of purebloods, five percent of halfbloods, and eight percent of muggleborns. There has never been a statistic for the number of goblins, giants, or werewolves killed, but some estimate upwards of half the werewolf population died in the war."

"You sound unhappy, Sir. I thought you hated werewolves." Dean seemed to be taking this more calmly than anyone else in the room.

Snape's eyes flashed with anger. "Five points from Gryffindor for off-topic discussion."

Harry privately wondered if Snape qualified his earlier ramblings as on-topic. That hardly seemed likely to show up on a test. But Dean seemed to take it as fair. "Why'd you join, then, if you were already reporting to Dumbledore?"

"Headmaster Dumbledore. And why do you think the report was a planned action?"

"Because undetectable occlumency takes years to learn. You must have been planning it for a long time, Sir."

Snape actually snorted. "In my fifth year, a teacher obliviated me. I assure you, after I noted the discrepancy between my journal and my memories, it took exactly half an hour for me to find a book on occlumensic shielding. Nevertheless, you are correct. I joined the Dark Lord with the intent to spy upon him."

"Why?"

"If I wanted you to know, I would have told you." He flicked his wand idly and a piece of chalk began inscribing a timeline across the board. "I advise you to copy this down and study it until you know it by heart. Mr. Longbottom." He flicked his wand again and the ropes around Neville vanished. "Do not make me bind you again." Threats issued, Snape straightened up and began pacing at the front of the class, going into full lecture mode.

"The Dark Lord was born Tom Marvolo Riddle. Note the acronym. His mother was a pureblood witch, his father was a muggle. They were not very... happy... together and Tom Riddle Sr. left Merope Gaunt before their son was born. The Dark Lord was born in a muggle orphanage and spent the next eleven years of his life there, learning to terrorize the other orphans. He always believed he was special.

"When he came to Hogwarts, he was sorted into Slytherin, though the hat tells me it was a close call between that house and Gryffindor. Something to do with recklessness and impure bloodlines. He spent the next seven years as the pet and prize pupil of his head of house, Horace Slughorn, who liked to collect and nurture talented, charismatic, good-looking, well-connected students on the off-chance that they might repay the favor later. And the fact that Slughorn was ever placed in a position of authority brings questioning of Headmaster Dippet's sanity.

"Young Riddle hid his origins very well and, charismatic and powerful as he was, managed to charm, cajole, and bribe the great majority of Slytherin house and quite a few Ravenclaws and Gryffindors into following him. They were the first Death Eaters, the first 'Knights of Walpurgis.' The first of the idiots that voluntarily followed Riddle.

"He laid low for a few years, gathering followers, trying to infiltrate Hogwarts, raising funding... in short, creating his own quiet empire. Then he moved on to bigger things. He ran a candidate, Gilbert Hemingway, for Prime Minister and nearly got it. Millicent Bagnold beat him out by the lowest possible margin. He took over the wand-making warehouses, exception of Ollivander's.

"He began recruiting followers directly from the school- and while Slytherins were the prime candidates, Gryffindors were the second-most represented house." Several of the students made noises of disbelief. Snape looked slightly amused. "As Justin Avery once said: 'They say Slytherin is the only house that produces dark wizards. I say that we produce just as many dark wizards as any other house, but we can't help it if we're the best at what we do.' Gryffindors like to prove their bravery, but most died before the end of the war due to the phrase other houses have always strongly associated with Gryffindor-'cannon fodder.' Ravenclaws were next, some of them have very strong views on the effect of muggleborn influence coming into our culture. I only ever met three Hufflepuff Death Eaters. They were in it because their families were in it and they were loyal to them. However, they tended to be the most dangerous Death Eaters. They were tired of being mocked, called 'Puffs and marshmallows. And one characteristic of Hufflepuff is hard and steady work. No one holds a grudge like a badger. Case in point, the Hat tried to sort me into Hufflepuff." That bit of news was too shocking for most of the Gryffindors to take. Even the hitherto unflappable Dean started.

"Tom grew more frustrated after his candidate was defeated and began to use more... illicit methods of taking power. Terrorizing the civilian population worked quite well, and was an effective team-building exercise. I contest that the Dark Lord would have made a good boy scout leader- charisma, badges for those who had earned them, field trips, life skills such as how to properly cast unforgivables..." He trailed off, shaking his head. "There was a feeling of belonging there, a feeling of empowerment and a conviction that we were doing the right thing- ridding Britain of the muggleborn taint. There were those who became disillusioned, of course- Regulus Black, cousin of Bellatrix Black, was one- but they tended to meet gruesome and discouraging deaths. Regulus, for instance, was tortured for two hours, killed, transfigured into a rock, then dumped in the Thames. The smart ones liquidated their assets and transferred them in dribs and drabs to the Southern Confederation of Australian Trackland and other out-of-the-way places, waiting for the Dark Lord to fall, but doing nothing to expedite it on their own.

"Wizards feared him. One of the worst experiences of anyone's life was coming back to their house, seeing the Dark Mark raised over it, and knowing that inside, their family lay dead and dying on the floor. Or captured and hauled off for Tom's sick pleasure. I once managed to fire off the Mark and flee before they had finished the raid. The aurors apparated in and every Death Eater remaining was captured. I told the Dark Lord that they must have been tipped off somehow, but that I had managed to fire the Mark before leaving the house. I was tortured for leaving my companions behind- one of them had been one of the Hufflepuff Death Eaters, and he was rather fond of them- but also moved up in his esteem for being such a quick thinker.

"Wizards learned not to speak his name during those years, for anyone nearby who bore the Dark Mark could sense the name as a terrible burning pain in the arm. They would capture those who said it and bring them to be tortured. Tom Riddle liked to force them to repeat his name over and over as he crucio-ed them. It was whispered only in private and very quietly. The name dropped out of use in the last year of the war as people became too frightened to speak it at all.

"In March 1979, the Dark Lord lost a duel against the Aurors and had to retreat, losing over thirty of his lesser followers. After that, he began to grow rather mad, showing fewer and fewer scruples even towards his own followers. The Inner Circle could not leave him due to their earlier affiliations and bore the brunt of it.

"He was quite mad by 1980, drunk on power and barely human due to all the experiments he had done in order to prolong his life. He tortured his followers almost as often as he tortured his enemies. Some broke and ran. Some, like Bellatrix Lestrange, began to glory in the pain as an attention the Dark Lord paid them. One ministry official we had captured in a raid told us that we were all a 'bunch o' bloody mad buggers.' He was quite right." Snape cocked his head slightly, as though remembering that occasion. "Amycus Carrow stabbed him through the gut after that, as I recall. He died a few minutes later.

"About a year before his fall, the Dark Lord gained a certain fascination with a few families of the resistance group to which I belonged. He went to hunt them down personally. I had been hired at the school and was playing double agent for both sides. I told Dumbledore. He hid their houses, but in October of 1981, Tom Riddle found the Potters. There is no need to go over that story. The Dark Lord could not be found.

"After Tom disappeared, his followers still ran rampant. The Death Eaters were the worst of these groups, but contrary to popular belief, they were not the only group. The feral werewolves, the rich sponsors who were too cowardly to join the Death Eaters, but supported the cause, the young or weak purebloods who were not considered to have earned the Mark... Igor Karkaroff, Jonathon Herald, Emil Karl, and sundry others provided the names of the Death Eaters of whom they knew in return for leniency. I was one of the names. I spent the next two weeks in ministry custody. In Azkaban." He shook his head sharply.

"The Lestranges went on a killing spree as a last act of defiance before the aurors took them down that next April, outside of the Forest of Dean. Thomas Hansom, Gerald Beamer, Head of House Augustus Prince, Andrea Prince, Frederick Loyalla, and Bartimeaus Crouch Jr. were captured three days later, in a cursefight that took down nine aurors and fifteen unmarked followers. Every one of them but Crouch died later, in prison. Fenrir Greyback, leader of the feral werewolves in Britain, was never captured and eventually forgotten. The rogue centaur Hawthorne of the Southern herds was taken down by the auror Alastor Moody in the Forbidden forest. Simdar Hossafain, the Arabic sorcerer, disappeared in the middle of a skirmish against the Auror Garridan brothers and was never seen again, though parts of his body- most notably his left leg- were.

"There were few trials in those days; unless one volunteered to give up names or money, the Wizengamot would not hear him. I got a trial only because of Headmaster Dumbledore's influence, which had greatly increased during the war due to his prior experiences against the dark wizard Gellert Grindelwald and his role as a vigilante during the War itself. The Lestranges got a trial because they were visible and famous. Lucius Malfoy got a trial because he is an avid politician. Sirius Black, escaped convict, is not, in fact, an escaped convict. Not to say he was undeserving of life in Azkaban- he was the sort of boy who enjoyed locking others in broom closets for days at a time and spraying drinking water at them through the keyhole- but the title is technically incorrect because no one has proven that he did commit the crime for which he was imprisoned.

"There were eighteen Marked Death Eaters sent to Azkaban. Six Marked Death Eaters were killed by aurors. There were more than thirty of us in the inner circle alone, but many have claimed Imperious, and I was the only- still living- spy. Even before the Lestranges broke out of Azkaban, there were more than enough Death Eaters running free through Wizarding Britain, as proven at the last Quidditch Cup. And not all followers of the Dark Lord are Marked. Remember that, because the free Death Eaters will try and recruit these people for another takeover if they are given half a chance. And they are not the only dark wizards out there.

"Are there any questions?"

For a moment, Harry thought nobody would raise their hands. After all, this was History of Magic and this was Professor Snape, no matter how interesting the lecture had been. And who would have thought Professor Snape would make a decent History of Magic teacher? Certainly not him. But, after a short pause for shock factor- when had Professor Snape begun giving an open invitation to ask questions?- Seamus raised his hand.

"Yes, Mr. Finnegan?"

"So do you believe You-Know-Who's come back?" Snape glared. Seamus tacked on the "Sir." Snape gave a satisfied nod.

"I would not risk my position in this school to give you my honest answer."

"That's not an answer, Sir!"

"Ask Miss. Granger or a Slytherin to translate it for you later." _You Dunderhead. _Dean leaned over to whisper in his ear. Harry caught the words 'ministry' and 'Umbridge.' "Mr. Thomas. Did I give you permission to speak? A point from Gryffindor."

"Yes Sir, sorry, Sir."

"What do you mean by 'cannon fodder', Sir?" Lavender asked. Snape pinched the bridge of his nose.

"And they say Slytherins are isolationist. Miss Brown, do you know what a cannon is?"

"A book?"

"No. A cannon is an archaic muggle weapon that was used to hurl metal balls, chains, nails, and rocks into enemy lines. The ball, chain, rock, or nails being the fodder. It was sent ahead, expended, to weaken enemy lines and not generally retrieved nor reused unless picked up again by accident later."

"Oh."

"Thoughtlessness is generally considered to be as much a Gryffindor trait as bravery. Fools walk in where angels fear to tread."

"So the _Gryffindors_ joined You-Know-Who?!"

"Contrary to popular belief, Gryffindors are not the pillars of moral uprightness they purport themselves to be. They also made up the bulk of the active resistance. Ravenclaws tended to research and work at the ministry, and Hufflepuffs either stayed home or provided safe houses and funds. Still, there were some of each house in the principal resistance movement. To my knowledge, I was the only Slytherin in the group, but that stemmed as much from the fact that none of them trusted Slytherins enough to recruit them as anything else. In addition, nobody really trusted the double agent, so I only ever met a few members of the group." He sneered. "But yes, there were Gryffindors on both sides, mostly young and male. Testosterone is such an effective incentive."

"And why did you fight?"

"Because in order to recruit me, the Death Eaters did things that made me rather angry." That line of questioning was over. Nobody dared to continue provoking that silky, quiet tone.

"Is it true that You-Know-Who had Death Eater revels?- Sir."

Snape raised an eyebrow in disbelief, but refrained from sneering. "Not very often. Contrary to popular belief, many of the Death Eaters did have families, and their wives would not have been happy. In addition, many of the more idealistic members were disgusted by the very idea. Initiation was usually the bloodiest a Death Eater got outside of pitched battle."

"Did you ever meet Bellatrix Lestrange, Sir?"

"Yes. We were both members of the inner circle and she was... highly visible."

"Is it true that she's insane?"

"-." The look of utter disbelief on Snape's face was an answer in itself. Obviously Bellatrix was insane. She was famed for it.

Seamus went to recover the situation. "Is it true that Lucius Malfoy was a Death Eater, Sir?"

"Why would the richest family in the magical world risk his reputation on a gambit?" The sneer pasted across his face discouraged that line of questioning as well. Harry glared as he wondered if Snape were hiding the Malfoys on purpose- or trying to avoid trouble with the Ministry. That did seem likely. He turned his attention back to the class as Seamus raised his hand again. Apparently, he was fascinated by this class.

"Is it true that You-Know-Who tortured his followers indiscriminately, Sir?"

"That is the most imbecilic rumour I have ever heard. Tell me, Mr. Finnegan; if you were a charismatic, but poor, half-blood trying to control a group of powerful, privileged purebloods, would you rely on the Cruciatus to keep your followers in check? When promises of power and glory work so much better? Can you begin to imagine a single follower submitting himself to the Dark Lord after seeing _indiscriminate torture_?" He shook his head in disgust. "He certainly did not, in the beginning."

"Sir? If you did spy on the Death Eaters, Why did Dumbledore hire you? To teach here, I mean?" Parvati looked a little frightened, but genuinely curious.

Snape sneered. "A spy is only effective so long as he can covertly relay the information he receives, would you not agree?"

"Strictly theoretically, Sir, if You-Know-Who were to come back, you would be planning to spy on him again?" Dean had been scribbling madly with his quill for the last few minutes, but he now had his hand in the air, though he continued to glance at his notes and frown.

"Yes."

"And you have always expected him to return?"

Snape gave him a sharp look, then smirked, slowly and looking almost... pleased. "Yes."

"And, strictly theoretically, Sir, you would not want to be discovered. So you would not lecture on your job in the war to a bunch of students?"

"No." Snape was looking at Dean as though he'd never seen him before. "I most certainly would not."

"So theoretically, if you did do it, you'd have already been ousted as a spy while spying on You- Know -Who the second time around?"

Snape cocked his head to one side. "Careful, Mr. Thomas. I might be tempted to put in a request to have you re-Sorted."

"Sir? I'm a muggleborn."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Your point being, Mr. Thomas?" Then, before Dean could answer, "Recommended reading is on the board. Homework- two feet on the motivations and results of the War, to be turned in to me next Potions class. You are dismissed."


End file.
